I'm 13 again...

Something funny happens in your brain when you enter the 30 somethings.  You start to go back to junior high when it comes to how you feel about your body and your looks—a tidbit insecure.  WHY you ask?  And maybe I can only speak for myself, but I’ve seen evidence of this in a few friends as well.  Here’s my train of thought:  I am a mother of 6 and I have spent the last 14 ½ years of my life fully immersing myself in the world of babies and figuring out how to do this motherhood thing.  Here is the cycle: (those of you who are moms out there with more than one child will truly appreciate…)

·      Regular pre-baby body self (which we only THINK is mildly ok, but really is SMOKIN’ HOT!—oh how we took things for granted then)

·      Pregnant body-continual gain of weight and expanding of ribs.

·      NINE MONTH pregnant body-nothing fits, not even your maternity clothes.

·      Post baby body—after stepping on the scale, “Wait, I did have the baby right?!?”

·      Nursing baby body—weight starts to drop. YAY!

·      Post nursing baby body—weight yo-yo’s, but then hopefully stabilizes for a minute.

·      OH!  SURPRISE! Pregnant body… again.

Then in my case, repeat the cycle 5 more times, plus more ups and downs in between babies.

In between babies I think I counted 6 different sizes uh, categories of clothes in my closet at one time. BIG SIGH.

BUT, Would I trade that cycle for anything? Nope.  Not for anything.  Here are the 6 reasons why:  

Judge for yourself. :)

That being said, it is now time to somewhat recapture my old self.  Notice the use of the word, “SOMEWHAT”.  Because here’s the deal, I will never be that old, young girl I once was, and I wouldn’t want to be.  Having babies has given me life experience and amazing opportunities for growth.  Each one expanded my heart, my capacity to love and DO, and forced me out of countless comfort zones.  I feel more seasoned, more wise, and more kind and understanding.  Becoming a mother does that for you.  Children are a gift and raising them is an honor—one in which I often feel very inadequate to do, but nonetheless, it is a more than worthwhile pursuit. 

Now that I’ve waxed philosophical about becoming a mother and raising children, here’s me standing on the soapbox of taking care of one’s self.  I promised in my opening post that I would focus this blog on the growth and creating of one’s physical, spiritual, intellectual, and emotional qualities.  Well, I’m here to say that trying to “recoup” your old self pretty much incorporates ALL of that. 

So back to the junior high school of thought: Because the immersion of motherhood is so all encompassing, suddenly, when you’re done having kids, you realize that you’ve lost your old self along the way.  So at 30 something, (or 40 something if you’re a later bloomer) you try to get it back, but in new ways.

Hence, this post is a catalyst for SO many different things that I’m working on right now.  With all of those ups and downs, here’s what happens when you’re done having kids: your body is kinda shot, unless you’re a turbo runner type that is out running until your protruding pregnant belly won’t allow it anymore—for my friend Alecia; that’s at 7 months. She’s amazing.

Anywho, MY body has been shot.  My core is a mess, my gums and teeth are all different (more on that later), my skin is sagging, the stretch marks are prevalent everywhere. And that’s just the physical part of things.  My wardrobe has been hurting for years, and then there’s the whole issue of redefining and adjusting what YOU like to do and what drives you, since you know, eventually, these kids WILL be in school all day, and the little pitter-patter of darling feet become big man-child feet and start to show you their independence.

In SHORT…

EVERYTHING IS JUST DIFFERENT.

AND SO, my old junior high insecurities are trying to rear their ugly head.  You know, like “Is this outfit cute?” Or, “I wish my hips were as small as (fill in blank).” Or even, “Will she want to be friends with me?  Oh, pick me! Pick me!” Seriously????

I am daily trying to say,

“NO!  BE  GONE! BANISH AND AWAY ILLIGITIMATE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!”

That is helping to a degree, and now, I seek to create my new post, 6-baby having self.  Besides, what 36-year-old mom in her right mind would WANT to look like she’s back in junior high?

  Point made. 

Stay tuned folks for more interesting endeavors ahead on this front….

I.AM.LIVE.

I am so excited!  I have wanted to start a blog for many months and I've finally taken the plunge.  

Hope you enjoy!

WHAT IS THIS BLOG?!?!

This blog is about creating the best you, by showing you how I’m trying to create the best me. (The operative key word here: TRYING.)

I’m not skilled in any one thing that you see in the blogosphere. (ie: see below*) Therefore, all I seek is BALANCE through CREATION.   And I’m all about how to get THAT.  When I feel my life is in balance or I’m experiencing “THE KWAN,” I feel good about myself, my family, and all the people in my life.  In short, that’s when I feel happy. And WHO DOESN’T WANT TO FEEL HAPPY?! (“The Kwan” is from a movie—can you name it?)

Balance takes work, practice, and continually being willing to change with the quickened pace of the people and environment that surround us.   I like that.  I’m comfortable with learning new things and practicing those principles.  It’s being stuck that I hate.  I think that being stuck means that we are not creating new pathways inside of us in order for us to grow.  I like knowing that I’m growing emotionally, spiritually, physically, intellectually, and that I’m deepening and strengthening my relationships.

Creating in our lives is not just having something to show or a finished product.  Creating is the process in which we grow and find new ways to experience joy.  THAT is what this blog is about.  I will focus on anything that inspires me or that just makes me happy.  I hope you will come along and enjoy those things with me.  You can take or leave what I do each day, but I just want to make you smile and influence YOU TO FIND what motivates you to have balance and joy. 

Just know that the things that inspire me may be and could be ALL OVER THE MAP.  I find that my joy grows when I’m consistent in my inconsistencies.  One day I’m on a cooking binge, other days I’m obsessed with essential oils and their origins.  Or another day I’m fascinated by a certain book my friend gave me 8 years ago and how it stirs something in me, and I sometimes will fixate on just one photo of one of my children and how I can feel 5 different emotions in one simple expression.  I also just moved into a new home and I’m planning to document the shape and personality my home decides to present to me.  Prepare to be surprised each day as I surprise myself.  

All in the name of balance and creation.

My heart is tender and it drives everything I do in my life.  This is both a blessing and a curse, but it’s who I am.  Some people are more “head and logic” driven.  I need those people in my life.  I’m married to one of those people.  He keeps me grounded.  But as I tried to come up with a name for this blog, I knew I needed the word “heart” somewhere, but didn’t want it to sound too cutesy.  Hence, the word for heart in French: Coeur (which upon further research is the root word for “courage”).  Finding balance takes both heart and courage.  I’ve been shaking in my boots even thinking about writing, let alone even starting a blog and *GASP*, posting my deepest, most inner thoughts.  But, alas, it is in me; thoughts, feelings, words must be spilled onto the virtual page.

For an additional way to describe the purpose of this blog, it almost seems easier to describe the things this blog is NOT.  (*ergo the NON skills I referred to earlier…)

This blog is not a means to rant about having 6 children and the chaos that brings.

 (But that does not mean that those rants might occur occasionally.)

This is not a design blog.

This is not a DIY blog.

This is not a crafty blog.

This is not a “my life is so perfect: ADMIRE ME” blog.

This is MOST ASSUREDLY not a fashion blog.  If you’re into that, go here to see my sister’s fun, sassy blog, and links to many others.

This is not an advice blog, a political blog, or a “mommy knows best” blog.

The people that specialize in each of those niches and who have blogged about it—are, in short, incredible.  In fact, many of these blogs I drool over, and have felt inspired to live my life differently because of them, even fashion blogs.  I’ve read fashion blogs wearing the same “mom jeans” I wore post-pregnancy 2 babies ago, and looked down at myself, and thought, “You’re in a rut, Amy.  Come on now!  Gird up!  Go buy some new jeans.”  You get the idea.

I’ve been astounded by blogs that seem to make a room magical on next to nothing and have felt motivated to improve my spaces.   

Then there ARE THOSE DAYS….when you read a blog, and they homeschool, and they have well-kempt children with matching outfits and hair-dillies, and their life looks too perfect, and you go to that dark place in your mind and heart and think…. “I AM NOTHING.  I DO NOTHING.  I AM…….BLAH.”  And then you close your laptop and go find the chocolate chips.

But then there’s always tomorrow.  A new, fresh day.  That’s where I am today.  Fresh, and ready to chronicle what creates me.  Where is your heart today?  Mine is ready to create a life of balance.  A life of beauty.  A life of learning.  A life of love and mostly joy.    

Welcome to

Coeur De Create

Heart to Create

“Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.”

~George Bernard Shaw