"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." ~George Bernard Shaw

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

VOICES

I've been thinking a lot this week about all of the many, many things vying for my attention.  Hence, the title of this post: "Voices."  There are the voices all over the web through Facebook, blogging, Pinterest, and of course tons of other social media mediums.  There are the loud political voices running rampant right now to try and and capture interest and a following as the presidential race gains momentum.  Along with those in politics is the "talking heads" of the media--all with a desire to be the ONE THAT IS HEARD.  These are voices in our outer world.
Then there's the voices of our inner world or inner circle.  Our neighbors, those we associate with in our church, our kids' teachers and our kids' friends.  Unlike me, who is a stay-at-home mom, I know that some of my friends who work outside their homes, that they have their co-workers' voices to listen to as well. Then there's our extended family and OUR friends, and last, but not least our spouses and our kids.  And really last, maybe you are the VOICE in your home that is just too loud.  What? You say...NOT ME.  I never yell at my kids! HA!
 Just for fun I googled a few images of people and kids shouting and wondered if it would ring any bells in your head of what is going on in your world.  Either of these look or SOUND familiar?


K, this is so funny and so RELATABLE in my world right now!

How many times a day do we hear: "MOOOOMMMM!"


I suppose all of this has been on my mind because as individuals we desperately want to be heard.  We want for our ideas to be validated, and to be important.  Those things are important to me too, but somehow, in the mix, I also need some peace, calm, and  quiet.  Sometimes there are JUST TOO MANY VOICES calling out, "LO here and LO there!"  It begins to make me feel as if I'm a stranger in a strange land.  So I asked myself, who's voice is the most important to listen to?  And I guess I was kinda asking God that question too.  Well, unbeknown to me, he wanted to answer and answer quickly.  I was listening to my Book of Mormon on my iPod on my way home from Yoga this morning, and I happened to be in 3rd Nephi where Christ is ministering to the Nephites and the Nephites begin to pray for what they most desire.  And guess what it was:  The Holy Ghost.  Boom.  The best possible answer and one that I knew, I just needed to be reminded.  I need to go to that quiet place in my mind and heart and just listen.  


What does your quiet, peaceful place look like?  Perhaps this:





Sometimes we have to literally "turn off" all of the voices crowding in and just listen to one--the Spirit of Revelation through the Holy Ghost that speaks to just us. For me and for you. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father reminded me of this and didn't let me feel like a stranger for too long.  I am wanted and needed in His world, but I have to tune out the noise and listen carefully.  I have 6 little people that need me to be "on" for them.  They need a mother that will literally SHOVE out those loud voices of the world, and even PUSH out the personal critic inside ourselves to be there for them. Direct them. Nurture them.  Love them. And just be there.

SO grateful for the nurturing of my own mother to me and my kiddos and for her WISE VOICE.

I love the joy I see on my face here (and on Lydia's too)--I really don't seem to care that 'lil miss Lydia is a mess, I am just IN the MOMENT...
There is nothing I desire more than to be worthy to have the voice of the Holy Ghost direct me as a mother.  As a mother, that is my privilege and my stewardship.  It's also a lot of pressure, but I remind myself often that somehow Heavenly Father has enough faith in me to entrust these precious ones to my care.  That is a HUGE responsibility and not one that I take lightly, and neither does He, which is why sometimes He gives us lessons and answers quickly so that we don't become too discouraged or swayed by a VOICE that will distract us.

With that, I'll end so that you can turn off my voice (if you made it this far) and listen to the one inside you that counts the most.  Thanks for listening.

Amy

Monday, February 27, 2012

Namaste


photo from herdaily.com
So in my effort to try and achieve more balance in my life, I finally took up yoga.  And remember back here how I said that I would be posting more ways I was trying to RENEW?  Well, this has been a big deal for me in that regard.  I sort of have a fear about being in a class setting moving my body--I think it stems from ballet class as a 7-year-old and NOT GETTING THE STEPS. (I'm very uncoordinated)  Yah, uh completely opposite from my littlest sister, Meg.  This photo of her is UNBELIEVABLE.
OUCH!
As my son says, "Face your fears."  I love what our kids can teach us just in little snippets.  And guess what?  I LOVE YOGA AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT! Fear Shmear.
My chiropractor recommended yoga years ago when he said, "Your lower back is really all about your core.  And after having 6 kids, your core is weak."  Those were tough words to hear, but I knew they were true, and I knew he was right.  Last week I put my back OUT, and I MEAN OUT.  Not fun.  Good wake-up call AGAIN to keep trying.  I think about all the women out there (including my own mother and 2 sisters) that have only known C-sections and have wondered how they deal with this whole core thing.  I'm counting my lucky stars I didn't have to go under the knife like they did.  They have their own brand of courage.  And don't worry, I'll be doing many more posts about these beautiful women in my life.

Mom, Me, and Beth at their graduation


Krista with Ellie as a baby
I've been going to yoga twice a week to a local church taught by an amazing teacher, Leanne.  This woman does not know me, but I LOVE this woman.   She was kind enough to let me take a quick picture with her after class.  She has such a serene, happy, centered, grounded demeanor.  You can read a little more about her and her yoga methods and philosophies here.  I feel awesome at the end of every class and she always manages to give a little "mini-lesson" to think about throughout your day.  



One of my favorites was when she reminded us that when we are comfortable we are stagnant.  Discomfort means growth.  I believe that wholeheartedly.  But the lesson is to be content in our discontentment and that there is opposition in ALL things and we must seek to find contentment in that opposition.  I took that to mean that there is ALWAYS SOMETHING that will leave us frustrated or that won't seem resolved, but that WE MUST find a way to be at peace and content with our circumstances in every season of our lives. 


HUGE life lessons 2 mornings a week.  At the end of each class, we have a little meditation and relaxation while she talks to us and as I have my eyes closed, I always see in my mind the most beautiful ULTRA VIOLET colors that ebb and flow.  THIS IS GOOD--Because I know about the Chakras.  (Post for another day). 

from Angiesholistictouch.com


I go to yoga with my friend Chris, and this woman is another gift in my life.  She told me about yoga and nourished me with amazing Doterra oils in a time of discouragement and need.  Love her.  I love the beauty that comes into our lives as we allow other women's strength and influence touch us. When we let others' love and kindness come into our hearts, we become a little kinder and a little bit gentler, and that makes me happy.


from doterraoilsx.com



Who have you let touch your heart lately?  What are you doing to achieve balance between your mind, spirit, and your body? Do you ever see a color when you close your eyes?  Create a great day today.

Love,

Amy

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Indulge me once more....(post Valentine's)


So, this blog is about the things that make me happy everyday, and I just can't seem to get enough of the happiness that is seeping from the cuteness of this:
 I know it's hard to read, so here's what it says: (all conversation heart phrases are in brackets)

"Ellie Ogden Warwood [teacher's name]
                I went to BYU football game.  I saw my dad I said  {YOU ROCK}.  He said {YES} I do.  We watched the football game.  I said can I get a hot dog he said {YES DEAR}.  Thank you {XOXO}.  I got a hot dog.  Then I asked if I could have a Icee he sad {YES DEAR}.  Thank you your {TOO COOL} dad.  Your my              {ONE & ONLY} dad 
                                                           THE END"

Don't these fun little school projects your kids bring home just melt your heart?  I loved her creativity with the conversation hearts and that she was able to put a story together using them.  Ellie (child number 3) is probably my easiest going child.  She is happy, delightful, easy to please, obedient, and helpful.  LOVE HER.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

LOVE

I just wanted to share a few pics from our day yesterday.  It's been a long time since I've seen the joy and sweetness in Valentine's day--I've been too busy and caught up in the throws of life, but not this year.  I opened my eyes and my heart and boy did I see.


Who can forget their first Valentine’s Day Dance? 


Do you spot MY dance card from my 6th grade year?  I remember that the dance was a HUGE deal!  I even recall the girls all planned our outfits to go cowgirl.  Eh? K, that’s kinda weird, especially for Valentine's Day.


Our youngest boy (child number 5) had a "daddy darling" party.  What 4-year-old boy wouldn't be mad with happiness at having his dad for a whole hour of fun?


I melted when I received those 2 little sweet gifts/love note from my little boyfriend, Jacob. (child number 4) I especially l-o-v-e that he took one of his own sweets, crossed out that it was to him and gave it to me instead. Selflessness=LOVE.


Flowers and a deep, from the heart, written note from my own love.


YUMMY cookies from an incredibly busy and thoughtful neighbor.  THANKS JILL! 
I heart you.


Seth, (child number2) had his very first girl/boy dance last week and he seemed to be the hot man on campus as I saw several girls “cut-in” to dance with him!  I cut-in to snag a dance with him too. It helps that he’s actually one of the taller boys in the 6th grade. 


Do you remember where you were for your first Valentine’s dance?  


Who cares if Valentine's Day was yesterday!!! Give someone you LOVE a kiss and a hug TODAY.


The necklace: 


Gracing yours truly yesterday.  Wishing you love from my heart which is so full from just creating this post it might burst.  I love LOVE.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My First is 14 today


Fourteen years ago today (February 13), I entered the world of motherhood, and became a parent to our amazing first daughter, 
Rachel Louise Ogden 
 My pregnancy with Rach was pretty normal in that I had the regular exhaustion, weird cravings, and just all-around aches, pains, ups, and downs of being pregnant.  I do remember that I could never get enough smoothies to satisfy, and to this day, Rachel is a lover of all smoothies.  Rachel was undoubtedly a very much-anticipated child.  She is the first in our family, first grandchild on my side, first GREAT grandchild, and I'm not kidding you when I say, the first GREAT GREAT grandchild--all on my side of the family.  My beloved Great Grandfather, Harold Bennett, was still living when Rachel was born.  We even managed a few 5-generation pictures because it was so amazing to have 5 generations living!

Rachel is a girl that knows what she wants and is very driven.  While she was a child, I could never stay one step ahead of her--she knew exactly what she wanted to do and how she was going to do it.  She has always been very creative and has had an entourage of friends to join in the fun of her plans.  I have often wondered how she has so much energy and ambition!  She is one of the loudest people in our home, but we still miss her when she's not around.  She joined her junior high cheer team this last year and seriously NEVER sits still.  Splits, head stands, back bends, you get the picture.  She's also played some lacrosse and wants to keep doing that too.  She is still playing the harp and is very good, but would be even more FANTASTIC if she practiced a bit more!  She is big into fashion and always looks adorable.  She is kind, friendly, talented, happy, boisterous, but also sometimes headstrong and bossy.  But hey, she knows how to get things done.

Here's a few fun shots of her:  (I am ordering a photo scanner so that I can more easily post older shots--yah, we're old.  We started taking pics of our family and kids BEFORE the digital age.  So posting pics before we have them stored on our computer is SO MUCH HARDER!) But Rach deserves to have a few baby pics posted!  She had the most amazing baby toupee' that was THE hot topic everywhere we took that child!  Be patient, I will post it!

With baby sister Ellie--what wise eyes she had as a 5-year old.

Uh, I guess the back-bending began early.


Aww....don't the older pictures of your kids just melt your heart?

 Playing the harp...


A little lacrosse...


Some major cheer....



In a few days, I'll post about what we did for her 14th birthday.  What does every 14-year old girl want?  Just a little make-up and shopping of course, and family togetherness with great food. Fun.

As I have thought about Rach today, I've recognized several qualities in her that I would love to see be stronger in me.  She is firm in who she is and if someone doesn't see her for who she is, she lets it roll right off of her.  She exudes confidence and optimism.  What qualities do you see in your kids that you wish would rub off on you like pixy dust? 

Rachel, we sure do love you and want you to know that Dad and I are so glad you were born first in our family.  You are such an incredible help to us and an amazing example to your 5 younger siblings.  Thank you for being who you are and I hope you had a great day!  ~ Love, Mom

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Quote of the week


                                 A musician must Make Music, An artist must Paint, a poet must Write, if he is to be ultimately at PEACE with himself
What one can be, one Must be.  
                                        ~Abraham Maslow

                                                            

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

MY 2012 WORD


I love the world of blogging.  I learn so much!  I love that people are willing to share their joys and their sorrows.  What their goals are.  When there’s a day that they just want to stay in their PJ’s all day.  What makes them happy. What they like to create. What they ate for dinner last night. What great new discovery they found on the web… basically, what makes them “TICK” as a person. 

As I said back here, I’m NOT a fashionista, although I try to look my best—but my fashion blogger sister extraordinaire wrote the funniest post a while back about being real as a blogger.  You can see that here.   I also read a post the other day (link sent to me by my other sister) about the realities of motherhood and sometimes not wanting to do your job and just needing a day off.  Read that here. Which, by the way, more to come about sisters—I have 3 of them.  No brothers (except brothers-in-law) and having sisters is just the best thing in the world—but more on that for another day.

Now, one of my most favorite blogs that I found about 3-4 months ago is Shawni over at 71 toes.  That woman is inspirational.  She is someone that really “gets it” when it comes to motherhood, and knows how to capture the beauty in everyday moments.  The life she has created truly is beautiful.  And her enthusiasm and zest for life just explodes off the virtual page.

Something she has done at the beginning of each year over the last few years hit me like a ton of bricks a few months ago as something that I NEEDED TO DO.  I’ll get to what that is in a minute, but first you need some back story.

  You see, this last Fall of 2011, I was fresh off the process of moving our family and I was in TOTAL BURNOUT MODE.  (It’s a real term! See here)  I don’t even know how I found Shawni’s blog, but her personality, character, and approach to life quite literally gave me that little inkling of hope that I needed. 

We had been moving for 2 years.  In this down economy, it had taken us almost a year and a half to sell our home.  We had showed our home to I think every family and realtor in the Western Hemisphere (over 100 times), and with 6 kids.  And a very busy, hectic family life schedule.  Do any of you out there know what it is like to keep a house with 6 children in it IMMACULATE FOR OVER A YEAR??? Yah…I was nearing the loony bin. 
Anywho, when moving day finally arrived, we then spent about 7 months in a rental that was a 20-30 minute drive each way to get our kids to school.  The driving distance only made sense because we were trying to save money and pay as little rent as possible, while we built our home.  So for the next 4 months after selling and moving out of our home, my husband and I commuted 5 of our 6 kids to 4 different schools.  Some days I thought I was going to go out of my ever-lovin’ mind!  Fast food and countless hours in the car became our norm, because there were still harp lessons, piano lessons, sports practices and games, church activities, etc. to get to and one other little minor detail: A HOUSE TO BUILD.  It was a very exhausting time in my life, to put it mildly.

Fast-forward a few more months: Our house is done.  (THIS, too, is a post for another day—in fact, kind of maybe a lot more posts, because building a house was truly fascinating and incredible.)

So, here I sat in this new home, in a new area, and I don’t know how to live a normal life anymore.  I had been selling and moving for almost 2 years and I realized I hadn’t even adjusted to being the mother of 6 children yet. (We put our home on the market when ‘lil miss Lydia was just 4 months old.)

NOW WHAT?  I honestly was a mess.  I had no routine.  I had no dinner plan.  I had quit exercising.  I was eating like crap.  I was staying up too late.  I still had WAY too many boxes and organizing projects that overwhelmed me daily. I was simply reacting to the whims and needs of my children and others around me.  I was in defense mode.  Offense was gone!  To put it plainly:

I WAS STUCK AND LOST.
AND I WAS DEPRESSED.

Change is hard. Adjustment is hard.  But IT IS what life is.  We are continually pushed, pulled, stretched, and often rarely nudged into changes.  But I want to grow.  I LIKE GROWTH—even though it’s hard, and yucky, and messy, and well, just hard. And at this point, I was tired of growing, and felt stagnate. But growth is how I know that I’m alive and living my life rather than just watching life pass me by, and life was doing just that….PASSING ME BY.  I felt no joy for anything.  I was grouchy, and slouchy, and just mad at being so tired.  I had gained 15 pounds.  I was annoyed with my kids and husband all the time.  Not a good place to be.  And I continually questioned my abilities and often said, “ I am inadequate.  I don’t know if I want this life.  I can’t do this life.”  Bad. Bad. Bad.

So, where did all of this leave me? 

In a place that was kind of dark, scary, and new territory to navigate.  We are done having children, and it was a new place for me.  New place geographically, and a new place in my heart and soul.  I needed a new focus.  I needed to remember how to run a family and a household and ALL that that requires.  How to take care of myself, How to just remember what makes me happy.  Those were big, scary challenges to tackle.  I didn’t know if I could do any of that because I was so darn exhausted.  But I had hope.  I knew that I would not be left alone.  Because I had my faith and my well of knowledge that was in my head; it had just been lost for a time from my heart.

I began to soul-search.  First and foremost, I NEEDED REST.  You’ve heard that phrase in golf (not that I play golf) called a “gimme.”  I gave myself a month of “gimmes.”  I slept longer, went to bed earlier, took naps, and required very little of myself other than just the basics to get us by.

 Next, I had to identify what was really bothering me and what was just not working.  Then I had to let go of the fact that I was kind of ticked off at myself for “letting myself go.” And not caring for myself in a loving, healthful way.  I decided to channel that emotional energy into creating new routines and having goals again and deciding once and for all, that having 6 children was simply my destiny and even though I LOVE those children with all of my heart, I DIDN’T HAVE TO LIKE IT (being a mother) ALL THE TIME.  (That’s also another post for another day—LOTS of thoughts and feelings there.) (And more on the goals later too.)

Okay, so back to Shawni at 71 Toes.  A few years ago, she decided to choose a “word” to be her focus for the year and it gave her the opportunity to be a “deliberate mother.”  And boy, oh boy, did I need to learn how to be deliberate again.  As I said before, this is one of many things that helped give me that small inkling of hope I needed to be pulled from my post-move abyss.  Here is where Shawni talks about it.

I loved the idea!  Those who know me closely, know that I LOVE WORDS.  I’m a huge Words with Friends fan and use the Dictionary.com app on my phone literally daily.  I will often say something to my kids and they’ll say, “What does that mean mom?”  And I say, “Look it up.”  Dictionary.com is my friend.  Just yesterday, I told my oldest daughter, Rachel, “I want to teach you how to be refined and gracious.”  Again….  “MOMMMMM!  What do you MEAN by that.”  “Look it up!”  Ha! 

This word thing was right up my alley. 

Without further ado, here is “THE WORD” I’ve chosen for 2012: (drum rollllll…..)

RENEW

Dictionary.com defines it:

re·new
verb (used with object)
1.
to begin or take up again, as an acquaintance, a conversation, etc.; resume.
2.
to make effective for an additional period: to renew a lease.

3.
to restore or replenish: to renew a stock of goods.
4.
to make, say, or do again.
5.
to revive; reestablish.

6.
to recover (youth, strength, etc.).
7.
to restore to a former state; make new or as if new again.

All of those “RE” words really caught my eye.  I had felt that I had lost myself and that I wouldn’t be found again.  But on the contrary.  The person I had become was always there, I just needed to be revived, restored, replenished, reestablished.  RENEWED. 

To get there, I needed a plan.  I spent the next several weeks identifying the areas that were sorely lacking and I went to work on how I would “restore” and renew myself.  My last post is one that can be directly attributed to this little exercise.

Many more posts to come on how I began to RENEW.  Where is your heart today?  Are you happy about where you are in your life?  Are you living each day with a purpose?  If you made it this far to the end of this very long post, I congratulate you and thank you.  Part of renewing for me was finding a way to indulge the thoughts in my heart.  Hence, the blog: 
Coeur de Create.

What will you create in your life today?

Best,

Amy